Life just gets in the way...

Wow! What a week it has been. Lots has been going on.

Let's see... to start off with...

I MISS MY KIDS!

I know I should be taking advantage of this me time, but seriously... who needs it?! I just want to scoop them all up and hug them and never let them go. They left a little over 2 weeks ago, on the 7th. They were scared, and excited, and scared, and sad. I thought Hannah was going to cry when she said goodbye... she may have when she got in the car. Silly girl thinks she needs to be so strong all the time. Need to work on that or she will be way too much like me :) But enough of that, because I don't need to by crying again... yes I cry! I know that might be a surprise to some, but yes it happens from time to time.

Second big thing... my job is going to crap! They just cut my pay... really?! 20% is big and honestly, although I go to work I sure only feel like giving 80% effort... maybe less because they also got rid of my vacation time. Stupid me though... always got to give my best... stupid ethics! Boo to ethics!! I have outstanding paychecks that haven't cleared the bank, actually never even got my check from last week. I know why things are the way they are, and yes I think pay cuts are better than letting people go, but do they really expect me to believe that they cut all of their pay also. No way! We are still employing a brother-in-law because he doesn't have any work... seriously he isn't even a plumber. Oh well... can't be too bitter... I have a job after all. Guess I just need to look for something else. Don't think there is much out there though....

It's easier to hit the pavement when you have a job though... so a walking I will go...

I have been a huge bummer on the running thing... my friend Heather is kicking it and I suck. Going running early in the morning if it kills me... if you see me grasping for air on the side of the road just throw me some water and wave :D

Maybe, I made a huge mistake with the whole school thing next semester... I really want to do it but I am not sure I am going to be able to make this work. Maybe I should go find a bartending job at one of those seedy clubs in Scottsdale... bet I could make some pretty good money... hmm... it's a thought!

Then my Aunt on my dad's side asked for my mom's phone number... can you believe that I don't even have it. It's not like we talk. It's not like it is my choice.... I love her and I have given her every opportunity but she just does not want to be a part of my life. Let's just add one more thing on there... yes!

Sorry I sound so negative. I can't even be happy the sun is shining, cause it's not!

Well... at least we are all healthy :)

I still stand by the saying... "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."

It is just a little pain...

Well, really it is not just a little pain... it really isn't. Anyone who really knows me, knows I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and an even bigger resistance to going to the doctor. I have finally come to the point where I can not take it any longer. I am finally going to the doctor... yes I am giving in, throwing in the towel.

I have had a constant headache for the past month and a half, not just a little one, but the kind where almost everything is blurry and all I want to do is sleep. I ignore it because I really have no choice. It's not like I can just not go to work, can stop being a mom, or not take care of my responsibilities. So I just keep going. My body is faltering though... finally I have no choice but to do something about it. I have had to take time off work because of the migraines that I am also having (2-3 a week), the throw up, can't see, please get away from me kind. I have had to ask the kids to quietly get themselves ready for bed, hang in their room till bed time, and come in and kiss me goodnight and tuck yourself in... that is the final straw... ridiculous! That is my job, not theirs.

So off to the doctor I go tomorrow morning... I hope that he can do something, at least make it stop for awhile. Honestly, I am afraid he will not really see the severity of what is going on. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know my pain tolerance, he may just think I am being ridiculous. Oh well, I guess we will see.

Here's to hoping we at least start on the path to an answer! :)

I also enroll for classes tomorrow for the fall semester! They accepted each and every one of my classes! Although they don't require the biology and statistics classes that I have taken... I am on my way! Should have no problem graduating in 3 semesters. Would be less except for when classes are offered, etc. So now the big problem is to figure out how to pay for it and my bills, because there is no way I can work like I do now.... I am resourceful so I will figure out something. I wish I had decided to do this like 2 months ago so I wouldn't have missed all the deadlines for scholarships... oops!

Here's to hoping I get a epiphany and it all comes to me... :D

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Or running in this case! Jump over to my new and crazy blog at http://runnereran.blogspot.com/

Join my friend Heather and I on our journey to the "Flying Pig Marathon" in 2011... it's a process people! First stop for me the Groom Creek 1/2 Marathon in Prescott this September. Heather will be doing the Kenai River 1/2 Marathon in September. It is going to be a long process and pretty difficult seeing as we are 4000 miles apart. But we can do it! Yeah us!

For now it is public but I may change it over time... we will see how personal it gets.

Playing Catch-up

Yeah, yeah... I haven't posted in awhile. I am trying, really I am :)


So, I am going to try to fill y'all in on all that has happened since my last post... its a lot and I am sure I will leave some out, guess that is why you stay on top of these things right:)


So after Justin's district band concert... which was just amazing, and I need to get copies of the video that Grandma took so I can post them... Hannah was up next. The final choir concert of the year and she was super excited! I invited my Mom's family to come, which I admit, I forget to do for some reason. Usually I only tell my Dad's parents, probably because I see them all the time, but this time I remembered to get the invites out early and I knew that they would be excited to come. Well, Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Jimmy all came and Hannah was so excited to see them in the audience. It was a great concert and we all went to Uncle Bears and had ice cream afterwards.

Here is a picture of the Stanley's and the Willbanks' after the concert.

It was so nice to have them be there... we really need to spend more time with them, we are so close after all.

So after that we had Mother's Day... my children are really the sweetest ever! They make me some of the most amazing stuff and they are too, too funny! I really love being a Mommy! It is the best job ever!! We went over to Max and Anne's after church and spent some great family time... the kids in the pool and the grown-ups just hanging out. My Dad even came which was so nice. It was a hard day for him as his wife left that morning to move back to Texas... he filed the paperwork the next week. I know he is sad about being alone but it really is the best thing for him. Plus, if you have ever met her, or heard any of the freaking crazy things that have happened... you would know it is so much better for all of us... Dang! that woman is crazy! She only wanted my motor home in the divorce and her car. Of course she asked for the one thing my dad couldn't give her... in true fashion! I gave it to him, what else was I going to do? I have a soft spot for my dad and I would do anything for his happiness. He will pay me later for it.. I hope. I will really miss it though!

Moving on....

School is out! My kids are so excited! This year brings lots of changes... Justin is moving on to Jr. High... really?! When did I get so OLD? I couldn't be prouder of my kids. Heather made the honor roll with only one B! Considering her problems with concentrating and talking too much during class... pretty dang good! Plus, she has so many friends... dang... I realized it when we were at the many end of the year concerts and state fairs, etc. she seems to be friends with everyone, in every grade. Hannah, my little smarty pants, participated in the LEAP program for the last quarter so her time was split between 2 classes. She still made the honor roll with all A's but she was a little disappointed in herself because this was the first quarter this year that she didn't make the Principal's honor roll... she did get a reading award and a gift certificate to Border's...that made up for it all :) Justin, where do I even start?! He has made such a miraculous change this year... I am so very, very proud of him! Last year was hard. Hard for him, hard for me... he hated school! He got awful grades, fought all the time, cried in class... trouble all the time. This year he was a completely different kid! I think some of it had to do with me putting my foot down and holding him back. His dad was completely against it, but I held my ground and it really worked out. I also shifted my schedule so that I was home in the afternoon to help with homework and just have a more balanced home. He was on the honor roll twice and on the PRINCIPAL'S honor roll the last quarter. That means that his grades were all above a 95% in every subject! He also won the contest for the best poster for his state project... a ticket to a Diamondback's game! He got a 100% on that poster and a 90% on the paper! Wow! He loves school and was sad for it to be over... what the heck! I am on cloud nine!

I have made some big changes... not sure how I am going to do them yet... but we will see. I feel like if I don't just do it I never will. So, I enroll next week at U of A in Tucson to finish my Chemistry degree. Dropped the Biology because I just don't have that much time. I have been working with them on getting my classes transfered... talk to my advisor next week but it all looks promising. Already got confirmation on a couple... yeah no more English classes for me :) Now I just need to figure out how I am going to keep paying my bills... anyone got any extra money they want to throw my way :D I will figure it out... I always do. So bring it on!

Well, that is my catch up for now. I will try to be better in the future. Oh yeah... almost forgot! I got the brick done around the bbq and wall. Looks amazing! We were going to do it ourselves, had the sand spread and everything, all the bricks in the back. But then my dad got this great idea to just have someone do it. I think it was laziness, a little bit anyways. I gave in and it took forever to get them out. But it was worth it, because he did a great job! As they were doing it, my dad looked at me and said "after watching him we so could have done this ourselves." Really?! $600.00 later?! Oh well... here are some pictures. I still need to spread more sand, get it in all the cracks and then seal it. I am going to put a wet seal on it... gonna look great!

Finally... some time off!!

I finally did it! I finally took a vacation. It was so needed.

I wasn't gonna go... always think about it, but I am always too afraid of falling so behind financially that I back out. My family is always going to Rocky Point, always talking about all the fun on the beach and at the "Cardboard Mall" as they call it, and I am always missing it. But not this time! I finally broke down and went along. The kids were with their dad and now seemed as good a time as any. Oh... I will be paying for it. I already am feeling the pinch. Dang that was a lot of work to skip out on. The paychecks are gonna be tiny for the next 2 weeks... ugh! But is was so worth it.

We left last Wednesday night. Mind you I was supposed to leave on Thursday night and come back earlier. I was traveling in my motorhome (which is about to be gone ) with my Dad but at 12 on Wed afternoon he said that he wasn't going to go. So, it was either not go at all... which was probably the smart move... or leave early and basically leave work early, pack in 10 mins and get back to Grandma's before they left without me. Needless to say I forgot lots o stuff! Oh well, I made it about an hour before we left :)

We had so much fun! I found seashells, read on the beach, shopped at the "cardboard mall", drank margaritas with my family, found out what a real shakedown is... experienced all of Rocky Point. We even got to be part of the "swine flu" scariness with everyone at the border wearing masks and giving us a handout telling us what to watch out for... yikes! There was a point where I didn't think I would ever want to go again (shakedowns are scary) but I am pretty sure this girl will go again. Maybe even take the kiddos, not for awhile though. It needs to get back to what it was before our economy took a nose dive... they are really hurting down there... I feel awful for them!

Well, now it is back to reality... back to not enough money to pay the bills, three kids, two jobs, loneliness, trying to figure out how to fit school in this fall... dang, reality bites sometimes!

Oh, but Justin had the first of his band concerts on Tuesday night... my little boy is so awesome! He really is amazing... I watched him help those around them that were having trouble with the music and everything. I am so impressed with him. He has his last concert in a couple of weeks and Hannah has her choir concert next week. They make is so easy to be a Mom... make it all worthwhile... make me smile every minute of everyday! I had a long conversation with a friend on Monday night and he was telling me that he didn't want kids. He said a lot of it has to do with not wanting to put children through a situation like mine... what happens if it doesn't work out. I wouldn't want it any other way! I am so close to my kids and I know that although the divorce was horrible for all of us it is one of the reasons we are even closer than we were.

Wow! I could go on and on about them forever... but I will leave that for another time :)

Stucco... Done and Done!!

I am so glad that I thought it would be a good idea to stucco the BBQ and wall myself (well, plus Grandma who is always along in my little projects!) I am not being sarcastic... I am really glad. I admit there was a point on the last day that I was so very done with stucco... but the sense of accomplishment is just amazing :0) Was this the point Grandma said... "see who needs a man?!" No, she did that when I was hanging 3 fans in the house, very heavy ones at that. She brings up a very valid point. I mean its not like I can't do everything by myself... I swear I have been for basically my whole life... but really who wants to. Maybe I should pretend to be helpless and then I won't be alone.... something to ponder I guess. But I digress...

Yes we did such a good job on the stucco job. There was a total of 3 coats... 2 base coats and then a different finish coat. None of us have ever done any stucco work so this was a learning experience. I think we did pretty good. Next time though I would so get an electric mixer.

This is what it looked like before:

Here is the first coat:

And this is it finished... well the stucco at least:

Painting, clean-up and lights are next. The top of the BBQ will have to wait for a bit... I need to get some grass in this backyard before I ship the dogs off somewhere... the dirt in the house is driving me crazy!

This is the plan for completion...

~ Run the rest of the electric (outlets and lights)

~ Paint the BBQ and wall

~ Sprinklers for the yard

~ Drip for the planter and around the yard

~ Sod

~ Build the bench on the wall

~ Brick or flagstone -probably brick because I know I can't do the flagstone alone and I don't have the money to pay someone... unless some strong man wants to come donate their time ;)

~ The top of the BBQ

~ rock and plants around the yard

Dang, there is still so much to do and money is so tight... this might take forever!! One day it will be done though... so looking forward to that! When its done... we are having a party at the house!

Pushing myself...

I have become complacent.

Okay with the way things are... just sitting around complaining and accepting that it is never gonna get better. That doesn't sound like me!! I have never, ever been this person. Why, when I need the "real me" the most, do I sit back and just let life happen.

At work one of my co-workers does triathlons... he told me today that I should do one... I said, yeah right... I can't do that. He said I was crazy and that I should just do it. That got me thinking... I have always wanted to do something like that. Its a big undertaking, but I need something to make me proud of myself... maybe I can do it!? I am gonna do some research and maybe, just maybe sign up for one of the short ones... that way I will have a date set... we'll see.

Today started off great... I decided to go in late and let the kids sleep in and then took them to Sonic for breakfast. We ate outside... it was so much fun! I am very glad that I took that opportunity... I need to do it more. I've really missed them and we are entering a cycle of them being gone a lot because their dad is in town for awhile. I need to grab every moment I can :D

Could this be the day!? The day that I start to turn things around!? Wouldn't that be amazing :D

Exhaustion... Something's gotta give!

So I have finally reached it, the point of complete exhaustion. I am doing way, way too much. This 7 day work week is getting to me and it seems like I have nothing to show for it at all. I have slept through my alarm 3 times this week! I went to bed at 9:30 on Monday night and still slept through the alarm and didn't wake up until after 8 on Tuesday.... ugh I need a vacation. Then on top of it I do stupid crap like this week and agree to work extra... so stupid! I worked 29 hours the last two days and I am at work right now... someone called and asked me to work for them tonight, I felt bad saying no as she is sick and the only thing I have going is softball but seriously that would be 45 hours in 3 days!!! No, not gonna do it, not gonna feel guilty!

Somethings gotta give! If I don't change things, and soon, I am going to have a complete meltdown! Or just sleep for a week, which sounds splendid right now... ah sleep :D Really, I am too smart and educated to be sitting at this desk making what little money I do, and way too smart to be waiting tables or even bartending for that matter. I think I have finally reached my point... do whatever it takes to get out of this situation!

I am not a big fan of ASU, I won't hide that... they only care about money, cramming as many students as possible into that school, leaving no classes left to take anyway, don't give you credit for the classes you've taken elsewhere for fear that they can't gorge you for every penny they can... But they are all that is around here. I have seriously thought about taking classes at U of A because it is only an hour and a half away and I might have a fighting chance there! I have given in... ASU here I come, get ready... I have already been accepted after all... and my Grandpa worked there for so many years... so I have asked Grandpa to help me figure it out so that I might be able to complete at least my bachelors and then I can make decisions from there. We will see if he is even willing to help out and what he can even do. Every possible program out there requires a bachelors as a minimum so its a good place to start. I am so close anyways. Dang, why did I leave Alaska? I would have been done for awhile already... ugh... stupid again! When will I learn to think about myself first!? Never over the kids, but over others who don't give one crap about me...

No regrets... right!? Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan... of that I am sure... but I am ready for that plan to materialize already!

Yes... I am nuts!

So I am getting ready to jet out of work to go get ready for work... sounds a little crazy I know.

The kids are gone and I have a very hard time staying home by myself... I really miss them... crazy I know :) Well at Uncle Bears they fired 3 people last week and knowing they would be in a jam I told Kevin that I was available to work during the week if he was really hurting. He took me up on it and I worked last night and now I am working again tonight. Tonight I close though and it is Thursday... yeah Kareoke... which means we are open till 2 am... so I will be getting home at 245 or so and then leaving for work at 5am... not very good planning on my part. Needless to say I am going to be dead tomorrow... ah the pursuit of making a better life for the kids... and y'all wonder why I am worn out all the time :)

Totally my fault though ;)

St. Patty's Day

This is one of the first years that I haven't worked on St. Patty's Day... I also had no kiddos... so I got dragged out to a pub, hoping for some great Irish music and a little Jameson ;) Mel, a friend from Uncle Bears, and I have been talking about St. Patty's Day plans for a few months because we are both huge fans of the music and atmosphere that surrounds the holiday... and besides I got a little Irish in me after all. Chris was supposed to go to but decided on bailing at the last minute because he just wasn't in the mood and he knew it was going to be expensive.

Well, there were tons of people and the cover was outrageous... $25 which included this tiny little cup with 20 drink tickets. The beer options were great, lots of different Irish beers to pick from but the lines were crazy long for like 3 oz of beer a trip. Needless to say, we left with lots of tickets between us. There was a band and I was really looking forward to the music... turns out that they just played rock, some ACDC, Candlebox, etc. And they didn't play all that well, in fact they weren't very good. We got dismayed quickly and knowing that we had friends at the pub next door we stood in the 2 hour line to get in there... another $10 cover. The band played one Irish song... one! Really, what is this world coming to? We vowed to try to just go to Ireland next year... wow that would be awesome. Doubtful, but I guess you never know.

Needless to say it was a very long night... I actually had a whole lot of fun, spent lots of money and lets just say slept a lot on Wednesday ;) I would do it again in a heartbeat... but next year, if we are not in Ireland, then we are finding a real pub, with real Irish music!

Gimme some Peace, Love, Happiness!

So, I am really bad at keeping up with this blog. In my defense I have 3 kids and 2 jobs... yeah, I'm not buying either ;)

I don't know if any of you listen to G. Love & Special Sauce... they are great.

This morning I was feeling a little down. Dang it was cold for Arizona, 43 degrees when I left my house. It was also dark... tends to be at 5 am. I think things are just starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong, things have evened out lately and my ex and I seem to really be working together for the kids which is such a nice change, but I guess I am feeling worn out. Emotionally mostly. I think this whole do everything, conquer the world by myself thing is getting old. It would be nice to have some help, or just someone else to take a little of the blame when it all falls apart.

This morning was no exception, actually worse than it has been. I get to work and I am so not motivated to do anything. I turn on my computer and start the music player because I just can not stand it so quiet. The first song that starts playing (it's on shuffle) is the song "Peace, Love and Happiness" by G. Love. Changed my whole day... made me bubbly almost. I haven't felt that good in awhile :) So thank you guys for changing my day. If you haven't heard the song... go give it a listen... it may just make you smile... it did me! I think I may just listen to it again before I go home. :D

Let's see if I can get on here tomorrow and write more about things that are going on around here... we are always so busy :)

We all need a little "Peace, Love and Happiness"

Here we go again...

I know I haven't done this in awhile. I have had lots going on.

I know that I have said this before, I am bad at keeping in touch... horrible in fact. I think that it is in my blood somewhat as my brother and mother are worse than me :) Well, it is this "problem" of mine that has come to really upset me lately. Losing touch with friends... that is awful. Losing touch with family is completely unacceptable. With two of us being horrible at it, my brother and I rarely talk. I adore my brother and he is one of my most favorite people and I would absolutely do anything for him.

Well I get an email from him yesterday that just sent me reeling. He has been "mobilized"... seriously!? He has been out of the Army for a year and a half and I really didn't think that I would have to think of him in Iraq again. My ex-husband goes to Iraq and Afghanistan periodically but his is still Active Duty and besides, it is his choice to still be doing that stuff... it is truly who he is. But my brother got out, no National Guard, no Reserves, just ETS'd. There is this list though... IRR (Inactive Ready Reserves) and he was put on it for four years... I never thought that he would be called up, his MOS isn't that spectacular but apparently he had some specialized training... so with less than 30 days notice he has been activated for 400 days and will be off to Iraq before the summer.

Now I have not seen my brother in a year... it is not like either of us doesn't want to make the trip but it easy to make excuses... money being a big one and the fact that I work seven days a week doesn't make it any easier. The thought of going another year without seeing him had me in a panic. So I immediately asked them to find people to work for me this weekend and planned to drive to Colorado. When we talked last night though he said that he would just come here and that way our Dad and Grandparents could see him and his family as well. Whew... so happy to be seeing him. I am upset for the reason that we are coming together but as he said, and I know too well, when the Army tells you to do something, you just do it, you don't ask questions.

He really did grow up after all :)

Times They Are A Changing...

Change. Change is a good thing... although I fight change with all my being. I am certainly more happy in my comfy little bubble... dysfunctional as it may be... I know what to expect. But, without change our lives become stagnant, boring... we don't grow. Wow things have been changing a lot lately. Some are good, some I am not so sure about yet.

First change... work. There have been changes at both my jobs... yikes! Don't they understand my resistance to change? Saturday is my last shift at my part-time job... at least at the old restaurant, but they haven't called me from the new one to get me on the schedule yet... can we say nervous? Then at my regular job they laid off the other office lady. It wasn't a huge shock to me... economy and all and what her duties were here... but still... she shared an office with me and all I can say was the first day without her was really, really quiet. Also, I get to assume her duties, as if I don't have enough already... sigh... it will work out. Positive thinking right!?

Second change... me! I actually feel like my self-reflection is working out. It is a slow process that is for sure, but I feel pretty good about what has been coming out of the process. If you are at all interested check out my other blog... Getting it Done... Right! It is private but just let me know and I will add you. As time goes on this blog will get pretty personal and as I work through some stuff you will see the vulnerable side of me that few people ever do... so proceed with caution :)

Third change... the Super Bowl? Really!? I have been a Cardinal's fan for awhile... I am from Arizona after all... although they are not my number one team they are my second. (I would still have to root for the Broncos if they were playing against each other) I am just not used to the Cardinal's winning so this change has been AMAZING! I know, not really relevant to my life, but I am a big sports fan and I love football so it has been a great ride. Plus, my kiddos are really getting into it. It is so nice that we can share that... I love it when we find something that we all enjoy together :) Even Heather... wow that is saying a lot!

So... bring on change! I am ready... I think ;)

Job Update

For those of you who are interested... A job decision has been made. I have decided to stay working for Uncle Bears and transfer to the Queen Creek location which is right down the street from my house. Not sure if this is the best decision but it has been made. I have been thinking and thinking about it and it has been driving me crazy. Well, I decided that I would just make the decision by gut feeling the next time one or the other asked for it... When I was asked that is the answer that came to me.

I start there in two weeks as the schedule for next week is already out and I did not want to abandon the new folks. They told me that if it did not work out I was welcome back at anytime which was very nice of them... so there is a fallback :)

Sometimes you just have to put it in someone Else's hands :) He knows what He is doing way better than I do!!

Taking a Good Hard Look...

Yesterday was a hard one... a necessary but a hard one.

Usually whenever the ex and I fight it is always about the kids... this one was different. I felt like he was taking a personal dig at me... and he was. I have gotten to the point that I have no desire to fight... why bother... so I just hung up and refused to answer. He sent texts that I never read (probably will later, but not yet) and voicemail that I haven't listened to (probably won't ever... he usually says nasty things he really doesn't mean) and sent me a long email attacking me. Now the email I read... wasn't going to but a glance at it made me curious.

It was a personal attack... that was for sure... and it was filled with a ton of lies. As I read it I realized that some probably came from the kids and then were manipulated by him to fill his agenda. Not quite sure what that agenda is yet... time will tell I guess. After my anger faded and I talked to the kids about it (I felt that I needed to make them own up to the lies... it is much harder to lie to the person it is about) I sat down and really read the email. I wanted to reply... not that I needed to defend myself, I felt that it was somewhat necessary. We need to keep the peace after all... what is important is the kids in all of this. Whether I want to be or not... I am stuck with him, forever.

This is what I saw... with all of the lies and exaggerations... there was a little truth mingled in there somewhere. I have lost sight of some of the important things... it opened my eyes a little. Not that he is right by any means... but he may have a bit of a point.

So, I make this pledge to fix those things... starting today. The lies... well God and I know the truth, my kids know the truth and isn't that what really matters?!

Let's turn this negative into a positive...

The Job Dilemma

Ok... Ever since my now ex-husband returned from Iraq it has been necessary for me to work two jobs. I all of a sudden had no money, with no warning, and lots of bills to pay. Seriously, I have three kids people so I freaked out. I already had a job but I wasn't making great money and it had been discussed that he would be helping me out so I could finish school... guess things changed. So hence the second job... yeah!! That is the back story...

Now I work during the week at my regular office job... I do ok, could be making more if I really wanted to tie myself to this line of work forever.... but it doesn't quite pay the bills... not all of them anyways. So I also work at a Bar & Grill on Friday and Saturday nights. It is fun at times and extremely tiring... especially on Fridays (I sometimes work 18 hours between the two, not including travel time). I really like the bar I work at though... they are great people and I look forward to seeing everyone... I get some really great hugs from my customers. I have become friends with almost everyone that walks in the door. They sold it... no warning... well a little one... on New Year's Eve there was a note posted on the back wall telling us that effective Jan. 1 the restaurant was sold. They would be calling a select few and giving them the opportunity to transfer to one of the other locations, but the rest of us would be allowed to stay on at the new place. We are still operating under the same name and menu and General Manager until February, but the owners are different and they have changed things a lot.

The new place is going to be a sports bar and the new owners, although very nice, know nothing about running a restaurant and I am so afraid that things are going to fall apart there.

So here is the dilemma (a decision needs to be made today)...

I was offered a transfer to another location, my choice of two different ones, both of which are much closer to my house. There is a possibility to continue working with my current GM... he will just be a manager. I would like to stay with the company but I am concerned moving to a different location. If you have worked in the business you understand how hard it is to get good shifts, get regular customers, have things set so you make good money... I am not sure I have the resources to wait.

They have asked me to stay at the new bar as well (they knew I would be one that would be offered a transfer) and they tell me all the time that I am amazing and they love me... blah, blah. I do have a customer base there and although some will not come back because of the name change/atmosphere change, a lot will. I have been told by many that I better not leave, they would miss me too much. Some even said that if I leave they definitely won't come back. I made great money there this weekend but I am scared it was a fluke and just because of the Cardinal's game.

Honestly, it could be bad either way, or it could be great... who knows. No matter what I choose I can't go back to the other later if it doesn't work out cause they will be hurt... either way... ugh, why can't things just stay the same?

Any ideas... comments... HELP!!

My little Hannah Nicole

I got this from a friend, it is all her "fault" that I started this blog in the first place... thank you Melisa! I got so drawn into hers and loved the concept that I just had to give it a whirl.

So this is a list that is supposed to be about your first born, but like Melisa I am going to do it for each of my kiddos. Would have loved to do this on her birthday, but what is one day... right?! So here goes...

Hannah Nicole Willbanks born: January 8, 1999

1. Were you married at the time? Yes

2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? We were excited and a little scared... Justin was not even 1 yet and we knew that Tyler would be gone a lot... between Airborne School, Ranger School and a tour in Korea we knew he was not going to be around at all.

3. How old were you? I was 22 when I had her, just barely though... our birthdays are 6 days apart :)

4. How did you find out you were pregnant? I just knew... it was the same with all my kids, I knew I was pregnant before I was even late... I got sick immediately. We did a little home test and then went to the doctor to confirm though.

5. Who did you tell first? My grandma and then Tyler's dad.

6. Did you want to find out the sex? I did not want to know but Tyler did. He was gone for the ultrasound and was going to be gone for the birth. I talked to the tech about it.. being that he was a guy and was in the military so I wanted his take on it. He said that if it was him in Korea he would really want to know. So I had him print the sex on the ultrasound (he made a second set for daddy that said "hi daddy, I'm a girl" - he was so great!) and then mailed it to him at Ranger School.

7. What was your due date? Jan. 4

8. Did you deliver early or late? A little late but not too bad

9. Did you have morning sickness? I puked for all 9 months with all 3 of my kids. (((Shudder)))

10. What did you crave? didn't really have cravings with Hannah, but whatever I wanted is what I ate... it was the only thing I could keep down.

11. Who irritated you the most? The Army... all I wanted was for my family to be together... no such luck though... uggh!

12. What was your first child's sex? A boy

13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? I did pretty good with Hannah, 15 lbs... not too bad, not too good either if you ask my doctor.

14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? Not really.

15. Where did you give birth? Luke Air Force Base, Glendale, AZ.

16. How many hours were you in labor? Hard labor I would say less than an hour, she was born minutes after my water broke, but I was in regular labor about 6 hours

17. Who drove you to the hospital? Grandma, actually I may have drove, she was with me though :)

18. Who was in the delivery room? Grandma and the doctor.

19. natural or c-section? Natural

20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? Nope, I don't like the way the meds make you feel.

21. How much did your child weigh? 7 lb 11 oz

22. What did you name him/her? Hannah Nicole Willbanks, we call her Belle

23. How old is your first born today? Justin is 11 and 5 months... Hannah is 10 and a day!

Ok, that was fun! This is a great way to remember... thanks Melisa!!

Wow how time flies!

So, this is my very first blog... I am a little excited and a little intimidated at the same time. I am hoping that this will allow me to at least chronical what is going on in our lives as I am so bad taking pictures etc. As soon as I get this going strong I am hoping that friends and family can keep an eye on it and get updates on how we are. I am horrible at keeping in touch, my family can tell you that, but I hoping this changes all that.

Well, my little Hannah is turing 10 today... wow double digits! I am not sure if this makes me old yet but it sure makes me feel that way. She is such a smart little lady (she also made the principal's honor roll for the second quarter, again!) and is a complete joy to have around. All my children are but I think that Hannah feels like she isn't special. She has that middle child thing going on. She also has a tougher relationship with her dad and I know that is hard on her. She always has... she was the only one that he was not around when she was born. He was stationed in Korea and didn't spend anytime with her until she was almost 11 months old. I think that that may have something to do with the strain on their relationship. She is my ANGEL and I hope her nothing but the greatest gifts that God can bestow on her. She has filled my life with such joy the last 10 years... I can't wait to see what the next 10 have in store for us :)

She doesn't know it yet but I got her tickets to go see The Lion King... I can't wait to tell her tonight :)