Pushing myself...

I have become complacent.

Okay with the way things are... just sitting around complaining and accepting that it is never gonna get better. That doesn't sound like me!! I have never, ever been this person. Why, when I need the "real me" the most, do I sit back and just let life happen.

At work one of my co-workers does triathlons... he told me today that I should do one... I said, yeah right... I can't do that. He said I was crazy and that I should just do it. That got me thinking... I have always wanted to do something like that. Its a big undertaking, but I need something to make me proud of myself... maybe I can do it!? I am gonna do some research and maybe, just maybe sign up for one of the short ones... that way I will have a date set... we'll see.

Today started off great... I decided to go in late and let the kids sleep in and then took them to Sonic for breakfast. We ate outside... it was so much fun! I am very glad that I took that opportunity... I need to do it more. I've really missed them and we are entering a cycle of them being gone a lot because their dad is in town for awhile. I need to grab every moment I can :D

Could this be the day!? The day that I start to turn things around!? Wouldn't that be amazing :D

Exhaustion... Something's gotta give!

So I have finally reached it, the point of complete exhaustion. I am doing way, way too much. This 7 day work week is getting to me and it seems like I have nothing to show for it at all. I have slept through my alarm 3 times this week! I went to bed at 9:30 on Monday night and still slept through the alarm and didn't wake up until after 8 on Tuesday.... ugh I need a vacation. Then on top of it I do stupid crap like this week and agree to work extra... so stupid! I worked 29 hours the last two days and I am at work right now... someone called and asked me to work for them tonight, I felt bad saying no as she is sick and the only thing I have going is softball but seriously that would be 45 hours in 3 days!!! No, not gonna do it, not gonna feel guilty!

Somethings gotta give! If I don't change things, and soon, I am going to have a complete meltdown! Or just sleep for a week, which sounds splendid right now... ah sleep :D Really, I am too smart and educated to be sitting at this desk making what little money I do, and way too smart to be waiting tables or even bartending for that matter. I think I have finally reached my point... do whatever it takes to get out of this situation!

I am not a big fan of ASU, I won't hide that... they only care about money, cramming as many students as possible into that school, leaving no classes left to take anyway, don't give you credit for the classes you've taken elsewhere for fear that they can't gorge you for every penny they can... But they are all that is around here. I have seriously thought about taking classes at U of A because it is only an hour and a half away and I might have a fighting chance there! I have given in... ASU here I come, get ready... I have already been accepted after all... and my Grandpa worked there for so many years... so I have asked Grandpa to help me figure it out so that I might be able to complete at least my bachelors and then I can make decisions from there. We will see if he is even willing to help out and what he can even do. Every possible program out there requires a bachelors as a minimum so its a good place to start. I am so close anyways. Dang, why did I leave Alaska? I would have been done for awhile already... ugh... stupid again! When will I learn to think about myself first!? Never over the kids, but over others who don't give one crap about me...

No regrets... right!? Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan... of that I am sure... but I am ready for that plan to materialize already!

Yes... I am nuts!

So I am getting ready to jet out of work to go get ready for work... sounds a little crazy I know.

The kids are gone and I have a very hard time staying home by myself... I really miss them... crazy I know :) Well at Uncle Bears they fired 3 people last week and knowing they would be in a jam I told Kevin that I was available to work during the week if he was really hurting. He took me up on it and I worked last night and now I am working again tonight. Tonight I close though and it is Thursday... yeah Kareoke... which means we are open till 2 am... so I will be getting home at 245 or so and then leaving for work at 5am... not very good planning on my part. Needless to say I am going to be dead tomorrow... ah the pursuit of making a better life for the kids... and y'all wonder why I am worn out all the time :)

Totally my fault though ;)

St. Patty's Day

This is one of the first years that I haven't worked on St. Patty's Day... I also had no kiddos... so I got dragged out to a pub, hoping for some great Irish music and a little Jameson ;) Mel, a friend from Uncle Bears, and I have been talking about St. Patty's Day plans for a few months because we are both huge fans of the music and atmosphere that surrounds the holiday... and besides I got a little Irish in me after all. Chris was supposed to go to but decided on bailing at the last minute because he just wasn't in the mood and he knew it was going to be expensive.

Well, there were tons of people and the cover was outrageous... $25 which included this tiny little cup with 20 drink tickets. The beer options were great, lots of different Irish beers to pick from but the lines were crazy long for like 3 oz of beer a trip. Needless to say, we left with lots of tickets between us. There was a band and I was really looking forward to the music... turns out that they just played rock, some ACDC, Candlebox, etc. And they didn't play all that well, in fact they weren't very good. We got dismayed quickly and knowing that we had friends at the pub next door we stood in the 2 hour line to get in there... another $10 cover. The band played one Irish song... one! Really, what is this world coming to? We vowed to try to just go to Ireland next year... wow that would be awesome. Doubtful, but I guess you never know.

Needless to say it was a very long night... I actually had a whole lot of fun, spent lots of money and lets just say slept a lot on Wednesday ;) I would do it again in a heartbeat... but next year, if we are not in Ireland, then we are finding a real pub, with real Irish music!

Gimme some Peace, Love, Happiness!

So, I am really bad at keeping up with this blog. In my defense I have 3 kids and 2 jobs... yeah, I'm not buying either ;)

I don't know if any of you listen to G. Love & Special Sauce... they are great.

This morning I was feeling a little down. Dang it was cold for Arizona, 43 degrees when I left my house. It was also dark... tends to be at 5 am. I think things are just starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong, things have evened out lately and my ex and I seem to really be working together for the kids which is such a nice change, but I guess I am feeling worn out. Emotionally mostly. I think this whole do everything, conquer the world by myself thing is getting old. It would be nice to have some help, or just someone else to take a little of the blame when it all falls apart.

This morning was no exception, actually worse than it has been. I get to work and I am so not motivated to do anything. I turn on my computer and start the music player because I just can not stand it so quiet. The first song that starts playing (it's on shuffle) is the song "Peace, Love and Happiness" by G. Love. Changed my whole day... made me bubbly almost. I haven't felt that good in awhile :) So thank you guys for changing my day. If you haven't heard the song... go give it a listen... it may just make you smile... it did me! I think I may just listen to it again before I go home. :D

Let's see if I can get on here tomorrow and write more about things that are going on around here... we are always so busy :)

We all need a little "Peace, Love and Happiness"