Times They Are A Changing...

Change. Change is a good thing... although I fight change with all my being. I am certainly more happy in my comfy little bubble... dysfunctional as it may be... I know what to expect. But, without change our lives become stagnant, boring... we don't grow. Wow things have been changing a lot lately. Some are good, some I am not so sure about yet.

First change... work. There have been changes at both my jobs... yikes! Don't they understand my resistance to change? Saturday is my last shift at my part-time job... at least at the old restaurant, but they haven't called me from the new one to get me on the schedule yet... can we say nervous? Then at my regular job they laid off the other office lady. It wasn't a huge shock to me... economy and all and what her duties were here... but still... she shared an office with me and all I can say was the first day without her was really, really quiet. Also, I get to assume her duties, as if I don't have enough already... sigh... it will work out. Positive thinking right!?

Second change... me! I actually feel like my self-reflection is working out. It is a slow process that is for sure, but I feel pretty good about what has been coming out of the process. If you are at all interested check out my other blog... Getting it Done... Right! It is private but just let me know and I will add you. As time goes on this blog will get pretty personal and as I work through some stuff you will see the vulnerable side of me that few people ever do... so proceed with caution :)

Third change... the Super Bowl? Really!? I have been a Cardinal's fan for awhile... I am from Arizona after all... although they are not my number one team they are my second. (I would still have to root for the Broncos if they were playing against each other) I am just not used to the Cardinal's winning so this change has been AMAZING! I know, not really relevant to my life, but I am a big sports fan and I love football so it has been a great ride. Plus, my kiddos are really getting into it. It is so nice that we can share that... I love it when we find something that we all enjoy together :) Even Heather... wow that is saying a lot!

So... bring on change! I am ready... I think ;)

Job Update

For those of you who are interested... A job decision has been made. I have decided to stay working for Uncle Bears and transfer to the Queen Creek location which is right down the street from my house. Not sure if this is the best decision but it has been made. I have been thinking and thinking about it and it has been driving me crazy. Well, I decided that I would just make the decision by gut feeling the next time one or the other asked for it... When I was asked that is the answer that came to me.

I start there in two weeks as the schedule for next week is already out and I did not want to abandon the new folks. They told me that if it did not work out I was welcome back at anytime which was very nice of them... so there is a fallback :)

Sometimes you just have to put it in someone Else's hands :) He knows what He is doing way better than I do!!

Taking a Good Hard Look...

Yesterday was a hard one... a necessary but a hard one.

Usually whenever the ex and I fight it is always about the kids... this one was different. I felt like he was taking a personal dig at me... and he was. I have gotten to the point that I have no desire to fight... why bother... so I just hung up and refused to answer. He sent texts that I never read (probably will later, but not yet) and voicemail that I haven't listened to (probably won't ever... he usually says nasty things he really doesn't mean) and sent me a long email attacking me. Now the email I read... wasn't going to but a glance at it made me curious.

It was a personal attack... that was for sure... and it was filled with a ton of lies. As I read it I realized that some probably came from the kids and then were manipulated by him to fill his agenda. Not quite sure what that agenda is yet... time will tell I guess. After my anger faded and I talked to the kids about it (I felt that I needed to make them own up to the lies... it is much harder to lie to the person it is about) I sat down and really read the email. I wanted to reply... not that I needed to defend myself, I felt that it was somewhat necessary. We need to keep the peace after all... what is important is the kids in all of this. Whether I want to be or not... I am stuck with him, forever.

This is what I saw... with all of the lies and exaggerations... there was a little truth mingled in there somewhere. I have lost sight of some of the important things... it opened my eyes a little. Not that he is right by any means... but he may have a bit of a point.

So, I make this pledge to fix those things... starting today. The lies... well God and I know the truth, my kids know the truth and isn't that what really matters?!

Let's turn this negative into a positive...

The Job Dilemma

Ok... Ever since my now ex-husband returned from Iraq it has been necessary for me to work two jobs. I all of a sudden had no money, with no warning, and lots of bills to pay. Seriously, I have three kids people so I freaked out. I already had a job but I wasn't making great money and it had been discussed that he would be helping me out so I could finish school... guess things changed. So hence the second job... yeah!! That is the back story...

Now I work during the week at my regular office job... I do ok, could be making more if I really wanted to tie myself to this line of work forever.... but it doesn't quite pay the bills... not all of them anyways. So I also work at a Bar & Grill on Friday and Saturday nights. It is fun at times and extremely tiring... especially on Fridays (I sometimes work 18 hours between the two, not including travel time). I really like the bar I work at though... they are great people and I look forward to seeing everyone... I get some really great hugs from my customers. I have become friends with almost everyone that walks in the door. They sold it... no warning... well a little one... on New Year's Eve there was a note posted on the back wall telling us that effective Jan. 1 the restaurant was sold. They would be calling a select few and giving them the opportunity to transfer to one of the other locations, but the rest of us would be allowed to stay on at the new place. We are still operating under the same name and menu and General Manager until February, but the owners are different and they have changed things a lot.

The new place is going to be a sports bar and the new owners, although very nice, know nothing about running a restaurant and I am so afraid that things are going to fall apart there.

So here is the dilemma (a decision needs to be made today)...

I was offered a transfer to another location, my choice of two different ones, both of which are much closer to my house. There is a possibility to continue working with my current GM... he will just be a manager. I would like to stay with the company but I am concerned moving to a different location. If you have worked in the business you understand how hard it is to get good shifts, get regular customers, have things set so you make good money... I am not sure I have the resources to wait.

They have asked me to stay at the new bar as well (they knew I would be one that would be offered a transfer) and they tell me all the time that I am amazing and they love me... blah, blah. I do have a customer base there and although some will not come back because of the name change/atmosphere change, a lot will. I have been told by many that I better not leave, they would miss me too much. Some even said that if I leave they definitely won't come back. I made great money there this weekend but I am scared it was a fluke and just because of the Cardinal's game.

Honestly, it could be bad either way, or it could be great... who knows. No matter what I choose I can't go back to the other later if it doesn't work out cause they will be hurt... either way... ugh, why can't things just stay the same?

Any ideas... comments... HELP!!

My little Hannah Nicole

I got this from a friend, it is all her "fault" that I started this blog in the first place... thank you Melisa! I got so drawn into hers and loved the concept that I just had to give it a whirl.

So this is a list that is supposed to be about your first born, but like Melisa I am going to do it for each of my kiddos. Would have loved to do this on her birthday, but what is one day... right?! So here goes...

Hannah Nicole Willbanks born: January 8, 1999

1. Were you married at the time? Yes

2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? We were excited and a little scared... Justin was not even 1 yet and we knew that Tyler would be gone a lot... between Airborne School, Ranger School and a tour in Korea we knew he was not going to be around at all.

3. How old were you? I was 22 when I had her, just barely though... our birthdays are 6 days apart :)

4. How did you find out you were pregnant? I just knew... it was the same with all my kids, I knew I was pregnant before I was even late... I got sick immediately. We did a little home test and then went to the doctor to confirm though.

5. Who did you tell first? My grandma and then Tyler's dad.

6. Did you want to find out the sex? I did not want to know but Tyler did. He was gone for the ultrasound and was going to be gone for the birth. I talked to the tech about it.. being that he was a guy and was in the military so I wanted his take on it. He said that if it was him in Korea he would really want to know. So I had him print the sex on the ultrasound (he made a second set for daddy that said "hi daddy, I'm a girl" - he was so great!) and then mailed it to him at Ranger School.

7. What was your due date? Jan. 4

8. Did you deliver early or late? A little late but not too bad

9. Did you have morning sickness? I puked for all 9 months with all 3 of my kids. (((Shudder)))

10. What did you crave? didn't really have cravings with Hannah, but whatever I wanted is what I ate... it was the only thing I could keep down.

11. Who irritated you the most? The Army... all I wanted was for my family to be together... no such luck though... uggh!

12. What was your first child's sex? A boy

13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? I did pretty good with Hannah, 15 lbs... not too bad, not too good either if you ask my doctor.

14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? Not really.

15. Where did you give birth? Luke Air Force Base, Glendale, AZ.

16. How many hours were you in labor? Hard labor I would say less than an hour, she was born minutes after my water broke, but I was in regular labor about 6 hours

17. Who drove you to the hospital? Grandma, actually I may have drove, she was with me though :)

18. Who was in the delivery room? Grandma and the doctor.

19. natural or c-section? Natural

20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? Nope, I don't like the way the meds make you feel.

21. How much did your child weigh? 7 lb 11 oz

22. What did you name him/her? Hannah Nicole Willbanks, we call her Belle

23. How old is your first born today? Justin is 11 and 5 months... Hannah is 10 and a day!

Ok, that was fun! This is a great way to remember... thanks Melisa!!

Wow how time flies!

So, this is my very first blog... I am a little excited and a little intimidated at the same time. I am hoping that this will allow me to at least chronical what is going on in our lives as I am so bad taking pictures etc. As soon as I get this going strong I am hoping that friends and family can keep an eye on it and get updates on how we are. I am horrible at keeping in touch, my family can tell you that, but I hoping this changes all that.

Well, my little Hannah is turing 10 today... wow double digits! I am not sure if this makes me old yet but it sure makes me feel that way. She is such a smart little lady (she also made the principal's honor roll for the second quarter, again!) and is a complete joy to have around. All my children are but I think that Hannah feels like she isn't special. She has that middle child thing going on. She also has a tougher relationship with her dad and I know that is hard on her. She always has... she was the only one that he was not around when she was born. He was stationed in Korea and didn't spend anytime with her until she was almost 11 months old. I think that that may have something to do with the strain on their relationship. She is my ANGEL and I hope her nothing but the greatest gifts that God can bestow on her. She has filled my life with such joy the last 10 years... I can't wait to see what the next 10 have in store for us :)

She doesn't know it yet but I got her tickets to go see The Lion King... I can't wait to tell her tonight :)