It is just a little pain...

Well, really it is not just a little pain... it really isn't. Anyone who really knows me, knows I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and an even bigger resistance to going to the doctor. I have finally come to the point where I can not take it any longer. I am finally going to the doctor... yes I am giving in, throwing in the towel.

I have had a constant headache for the past month and a half, not just a little one, but the kind where almost everything is blurry and all I want to do is sleep. I ignore it because I really have no choice. It's not like I can just not go to work, can stop being a mom, or not take care of my responsibilities. So I just keep going. My body is faltering though... finally I have no choice but to do something about it. I have had to take time off work because of the migraines that I am also having (2-3 a week), the throw up, can't see, please get away from me kind. I have had to ask the kids to quietly get themselves ready for bed, hang in their room till bed time, and come in and kiss me goodnight and tuck yourself in... that is the final straw... ridiculous! That is my job, not theirs.

So off to the doctor I go tomorrow morning... I hope that he can do something, at least make it stop for awhile. Honestly, I am afraid he will not really see the severity of what is going on. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know my pain tolerance, he may just think I am being ridiculous. Oh well, I guess we will see.

Here's to hoping we at least start on the path to an answer! :)

I also enroll for classes tomorrow for the fall semester! They accepted each and every one of my classes! Although they don't require the biology and statistics classes that I have taken... I am on my way! Should have no problem graduating in 3 semesters. Would be less except for when classes are offered, etc. So now the big problem is to figure out how to pay for it and my bills, because there is no way I can work like I do now.... I am resourceful so I will figure out something. I wish I had decided to do this like 2 months ago so I wouldn't have missed all the deadlines for scholarships... oops!

Here's to hoping I get a epiphany and it all comes to me... :D

Exhaustion... Something's gotta give!

So I have finally reached it, the point of complete exhaustion. I am doing way, way too much. This 7 day work week is getting to me and it seems like I have nothing to show for it at all. I have slept through my alarm 3 times this week! I went to bed at 9:30 on Monday night and still slept through the alarm and didn't wake up until after 8 on Tuesday.... ugh I need a vacation. Then on top of it I do stupid crap like this week and agree to work extra... so stupid! I worked 29 hours the last two days and I am at work right now... someone called and asked me to work for them tonight, I felt bad saying no as she is sick and the only thing I have going is softball but seriously that would be 45 hours in 3 days!!! No, not gonna do it, not gonna feel guilty!

Somethings gotta give! If I don't change things, and soon, I am going to have a complete meltdown! Or just sleep for a week, which sounds splendid right now... ah sleep :D Really, I am too smart and educated to be sitting at this desk making what little money I do, and way too smart to be waiting tables or even bartending for that matter. I think I have finally reached my point... do whatever it takes to get out of this situation!

I am not a big fan of ASU, I won't hide that... they only care about money, cramming as many students as possible into that school, leaving no classes left to take anyway, don't give you credit for the classes you've taken elsewhere for fear that they can't gorge you for every penny they can... But they are all that is around here. I have seriously thought about taking classes at U of A because it is only an hour and a half away and I might have a fighting chance there! I have given in... ASU here I come, get ready... I have already been accepted after all... and my Grandpa worked there for so many years... so I have asked Grandpa to help me figure it out so that I might be able to complete at least my bachelors and then I can make decisions from there. We will see if he is even willing to help out and what he can even do. Every possible program out there requires a bachelors as a minimum so its a good place to start. I am so close anyways. Dang, why did I leave Alaska? I would have been done for awhile already... ugh... stupid again! When will I learn to think about myself first!? Never over the kids, but over others who don't give one crap about me...

No regrets... right!? Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan... of that I am sure... but I am ready for that plan to materialize already!