Life just gets in the way...

Wow! What a week it has been. Lots has been going on.

Let's see... to start off with...

I MISS MY KIDS!

I know I should be taking advantage of this me time, but seriously... who needs it?! I just want to scoop them all up and hug them and never let them go. They left a little over 2 weeks ago, on the 7th. They were scared, and excited, and scared, and sad. I thought Hannah was going to cry when she said goodbye... she may have when she got in the car. Silly girl thinks she needs to be so strong all the time. Need to work on that or she will be way too much like me :) But enough of that, because I don't need to by crying again... yes I cry! I know that might be a surprise to some, but yes it happens from time to time.

Second big thing... my job is going to crap! They just cut my pay... really?! 20% is big and honestly, although I go to work I sure only feel like giving 80% effort... maybe less because they also got rid of my vacation time. Stupid me though... always got to give my best... stupid ethics! Boo to ethics!! I have outstanding paychecks that haven't cleared the bank, actually never even got my check from last week. I know why things are the way they are, and yes I think pay cuts are better than letting people go, but do they really expect me to believe that they cut all of their pay also. No way! We are still employing a brother-in-law because he doesn't have any work... seriously he isn't even a plumber. Oh well... can't be too bitter... I have a job after all. Guess I just need to look for something else. Don't think there is much out there though....

It's easier to hit the pavement when you have a job though... so a walking I will go...

I have been a huge bummer on the running thing... my friend Heather is kicking it and I suck. Going running early in the morning if it kills me... if you see me grasping for air on the side of the road just throw me some water and wave :D

Maybe, I made a huge mistake with the whole school thing next semester... I really want to do it but I am not sure I am going to be able to make this work. Maybe I should go find a bartending job at one of those seedy clubs in Scottsdale... bet I could make some pretty good money... hmm... it's a thought!

Then my Aunt on my dad's side asked for my mom's phone number... can you believe that I don't even have it. It's not like we talk. It's not like it is my choice.... I love her and I have given her every opportunity but she just does not want to be a part of my life. Let's just add one more thing on there... yes!

Sorry I sound so negative. I can't even be happy the sun is shining, cause it's not!

Well... at least we are all healthy :)

I still stand by the saying... "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."

It is just a little pain...

Well, really it is not just a little pain... it really isn't. Anyone who really knows me, knows I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and an even bigger resistance to going to the doctor. I have finally come to the point where I can not take it any longer. I am finally going to the doctor... yes I am giving in, throwing in the towel.

I have had a constant headache for the past month and a half, not just a little one, but the kind where almost everything is blurry and all I want to do is sleep. I ignore it because I really have no choice. It's not like I can just not go to work, can stop being a mom, or not take care of my responsibilities. So I just keep going. My body is faltering though... finally I have no choice but to do something about it. I have had to take time off work because of the migraines that I am also having (2-3 a week), the throw up, can't see, please get away from me kind. I have had to ask the kids to quietly get themselves ready for bed, hang in their room till bed time, and come in and kiss me goodnight and tuck yourself in... that is the final straw... ridiculous! That is my job, not theirs.

So off to the doctor I go tomorrow morning... I hope that he can do something, at least make it stop for awhile. Honestly, I am afraid he will not really see the severity of what is going on. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know my pain tolerance, he may just think I am being ridiculous. Oh well, I guess we will see.

Here's to hoping we at least start on the path to an answer! :)

I also enroll for classes tomorrow for the fall semester! They accepted each and every one of my classes! Although they don't require the biology and statistics classes that I have taken... I am on my way! Should have no problem graduating in 3 semesters. Would be less except for when classes are offered, etc. So now the big problem is to figure out how to pay for it and my bills, because there is no way I can work like I do now.... I am resourceful so I will figure out something. I wish I had decided to do this like 2 months ago so I wouldn't have missed all the deadlines for scholarships... oops!

Here's to hoping I get a epiphany and it all comes to me... :D